What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
I've gone back and forth on this one. I feel like all the things I'd talk about have been talked to death. But, I have an "assignment" so I tried writing about a couple different things. Apparently, I don't work well like that. If I don't feel it, I can't write it. So, that's why I am weeks overdue on number 26 of this little project.
As I was relaxing today, watching Real Housewives of New Jersey, inspiration struck!
Hopefully, we find someone we think is pretty awesome. They return those feelings. As we progress in our relationship, we fall in love. Then, we spend even more time with them. We plan a future. At some point, we start to see little things that aren't so perfect. That's okay, though. I'm not perfect, he's not perfect. We still love one another and support one another. That's real life. Accepting one another for who we are, flaws and all. Right? So here is where we come to what I think a lot of people get wrong...
Stand by your man (or woman).
Please don't misunderstand me. Supporting my husband is of utmost importance. I love and respect him, so it's second nature to me. The part that I take issue with is when a spouse (or a parent, for that matter) takes it too far. There's supporting your spouse and then there's blind, stupid faith. Maybe I'm dead wrong, but I try to be certain I see everyone for who they are and accept them as such. It extends to my husband, my child, my family and my friends. It's not an easy task. There are things about people that bug the heck out of me. But there are things about me that bug the heck out of them, too!
It bothers me when I see a husband defending his wife when she's wrong. (As in the case of the RHONJ couple, Teresa and Joe.) If my husband did something I felt was wrong, I wouldn't back him on it. Would I badmouth him all over town? Obviously not. I do respect him. But I also wouldn't shout from the rooftops that he's perfect and tout what was obviously a misstep as being right.
Am I wrong? Should I claim perfection on behalf of my husband, even if I know he was wrong? If he offends my friend, should I tell her she was wrong to be offended? Or should I simply say he made a mistake and would never intend to offend her? Be defensive or apologize on his behalf?
I feel there is an abundance of societal pressure to present a perfect image to the world. "We have a wonderful marriage; we rarely argue, and when we do, it's in calm voices with love and respect evident in every word; our child is smart, obedient and caring; and so on and so forth." But if we're all doing that - if we're all pretending - then how do we relate to one another on any kind of real level? We're all human. We all make mistakes. I love that our relationship allows us to accept one another in such a real way.
I'm sure there will be many people who disagree with me. Before you start telling me I'm going to ruin my marriage, let me be absolutely clear: I don't try to find fault with anyone. In fact, I try to see the best in everyone, and in every situation. I don't constantly nag at my husband or nitpick. In fact, a big part of accepting someone's "faults" is to realize it makes him who he is and love him for it; not in spite of it. All I'm saying is I can't allow myself to blindly defend something I know to be wrong.
**Disclaimer: of course, all of this is hypothetical. My husband actually IS perfect and has never done anything wrong. Ever.
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