MissUnderstood (Day 29 of 30)

What do you think people misundertand most about you?


Everything?  Haha!  Some days, it feels like I'm speaking a different language.  For people that don't really know me, though, I think it's my sense of humor that trips them up.  It can be dry and sarcastic, but without the mean bite.  I often forget that other people can see what I write on Facebook and later realize the tone may not have conveyed correctly. 

The Language of Love (Day 28 of 30)

What is your love language?


Acts of Service.  Not always in a huge way, but it's the things people do that tell me they love me.  The little things, the big things, and everything in between.  And when I love someone, I want to do things for them.  Help them in whatever way I can.  


You can check out this website to find out your love language!

Body Parts (Day 27 of 30)

What is your favorite part of your body and why?


Lately, it's been my biceps.  They're not perfectly toned and gorgeous, but since working out so much, I've noticed a difference in them.  I love how strong they are and how much more I can do with them.  It's an overall reflection of how strong, physically, I've felt lately. 

You're All Wrong! (Day 26 of 30)

What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?


I've gone back and forth on this one.  I feel like all the things I'd talk about have been talked to death.  But, I have an "assignment" so I tried writing about a couple different things.  Apparently, I don't work well like that.  If I don't feel it, I can't write it.  So, that's why I am weeks overdue on number 26 of this little project.  


As I was relaxing today, watching Real Housewives of New Jersey, inspiration struck!  


Hopefully, we find someone we think is pretty awesome.  They return those feelings.  As we progress in our relationship, we fall in love.  Then, we spend even more time with them.  We plan a future.  At some point, we start to see little things that aren't so perfect.  That's okay, though.  I'm not perfect, he's not perfect.  We still love one another and support one another.  That's real life.  Accepting one another for who we are, flaws and all.  Right?  So here is where we come to what I think a lot of people get wrong...


Stand by your man (or woman). 


Please don't misunderstand me.  Supporting my husband is of utmost importance.  I love and respect him, so it's second nature to me.  The part that I take issue with is when a spouse (or a parent, for that matter) takes it too far.  There's supporting your spouse and then there's blind, stupid faith.  Maybe I'm dead wrong, but I try to be certain I see everyone for who they are and accept them as such.  It extends to my husband, my child, my family and my friends.  It's not an easy task.  There are things about people that bug the heck out of me.  But there are things about me that bug the heck out of them, too!  


It bothers me when I see a husband defending his wife when she's wrong.  (As in the case of the RHONJ couple, Teresa and Joe.)  If my husband did something I felt was wrong, I wouldn't back him on it.  Would I badmouth him all over town?  Obviously not.  I do respect him.  But I also wouldn't shout from the rooftops that he's perfect and tout what was obviously a misstep as being right. 


Am I wrong?  Should I claim perfection on behalf of my husband, even if I know he was wrong?  If he offends my friend, should I tell her she was wrong to be offended?  Or should I simply say he made a mistake and would never intend to offend her?  Be defensive or apologize on his behalf?  


I feel there is an abundance of societal pressure to present a perfect image to the world.  "We have a wonderful marriage; we rarely argue, and when we do, it's in calm voices with love and respect evident in every word; our child is smart, obedient and caring; and so on and so forth."  But if we're all doing that - if we're all pretending - then how do we relate to one another on any kind of real level?  We're all human.  We all make mistakes.  I love that our relationship allows us to accept one another in such a real way.  


I'm sure there will be many people who disagree with me.  Before you start telling me I'm going to ruin my marriage, let me be absolutely clear:  I don't try to find fault with anyone.  In fact, I try to see the best in everyone, and in every situation.  I don't constantly nag at my husband or nitpick.  In fact, a big part of accepting someone's "faults" is to realize it makes him who he is and love him for it; not in spite of it.  All I'm saying is I can't allow myself to blindly defend something I know to be wrong.


**Disclaimer: of course, all of this is hypothetical.  My husband actually IS perfect and has never done anything wrong.  Ever.

New windows!

I'm seriously avoiding the next question in the series of 30 I'm doing.  I'll just post about something else!

Our windows are original to the house.  They are single pane casement windows with metal frames.  In other words, they are giant class and metal escape routes for cold and/or hot air.  One of them has an ineffable BB sized hole.  Three of them are missing screens so they can't be opened for fear of bugs and birds flying in.  And all of them are splattered with paint and God knows what, making them impossible to clean.  When the window with the mystery hole cracked, we threw in the towel and went window shopping.  Next week, we'll have brand-spanking new Pella double pane vinyl sliding windows with screens!!  I'm a little nervous because our windows are SO OLD that they'll have to rip into the actual walls to get them out.  How much of a mess are they going to make?  How will Wayne and I be able to patch it up or will we need a pro?  If we need a pro, how much will THAT cost?

Home-ownership is a never-ending series of what-ifs.  You never know what new problems will come about as a result of fixing another problem.  It's an adventure for which I feel ill-equipped.  They should offer classes on basic home repair in college.  And every realtor should recommend the classes when they sell a home.  You know, like when you go to get married, they recommend counseling.  When you are pregnant, they recommend basic parenting classes.  I'd sign up right now, if I could find a basic home repair class.  Heck, I'd take it, then move on to advanced home repair.  I'd do it all!!

A/C Update

Service Masters began "fixing" the unit back in early May.  In the beginning, they'd call and ask if I was available during a 4 hour window for them to come out.  And show up after the 4 hour window.  They progressed to just showing up whenever and not even calling.  I get that I'm a stay at home mom, but that doesn't meant I literally stay at home all the time.  If I wasn't here, I'd get a snotty, "Well, we came by but you weren't here."  Really??  Try calling me.  You have my number.  And my husband's.

They replaced the same motor twice.  A fan blade another time.  A thingamabob and a whatchamajig.

Don't get my wrong - I'm very grateful that we finally had air during the day.  But the nights were about to start getting hot.

On Friday, they came out, replaced yet another part, zip tied the hose to another pipe to keep it from kinking, and said it was fixed.  The zip ties actually made the hose kink more and the air cut out that night and again at 8 p.m. on Saturday.  We called them Saturday and again Monday.  I also called the warranty company Monday.
Yesterday, Wayne called again.  The warranty company called Service Masters to find out what was going on.  They said, "We've exhausted all possibilities.  Go ahead and call someone else."  (That's almost a direct quote from the warranty company... I'm sure it wasn't originally put in those words.)

SERIOUSLY?!?!

I feel like we've wasted the last 2 1/2 months.  Thank GOD we have only had to pay for the original $55 service fee.  And that our warranty company is doing it's job.

A new guy from a new company came out today.  There's another part that he has to replace.  (Maybe the original issue all along??)  But, of course, he has to order it.  In the meantime, he says, "Keep your air at 77 and see if that will keep it from freezing up...  Okay, 75 but if that doesn't work, then 77."  He also told me that "these houses really can't be cooled lower than 72 because they're not insulated correctly."

My point - it's been cooling the house to 74 during the day and 69 at night for the past 4 years.  Suddenly, my insulation is wrong??

Thirty minutes ago, it quit working.  I'm trying really hard not to be angry and frustrated because it's out of my hands.  What really bothers me is when these guys come in and talk to me like I'M the one responsible for it breaking.  I'm sorry - I have NO idea how it works, so when you think it's been installed incorrectly, please don't lecture me about it.  I didn't install it.

Dining with Jen (Day 25 of 30)

If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?


Ummmmm.... I.... Uhhh...  


Jeez.  I don't know.  I haven't ever had a good answer for this.  Maybe I'm just not that deep of a thinker.  Or I know if I tried to have dinner with anyone super smart or awesomely philosophical, I'd get all nervous and weird and not have anything to say.  Maybe I'm just too superficial.  Because the only person I can think of to have dinner with is Jennifer Aniston.  I want to see if she's as cool as she seems.  And by cool, I mean laid back, chill, relaxed.  Fun to hang out with.  I want to be friends with her.  But then, I want to be friends with almost everyone.  


Oh - um, we'd eat sushi.  Because I freaking love sushi.  

Grief counseling

Since Rachael passed, everyone has recommended grief counseling.  And everyone has been super supportive and understanding when I just wasn't ready.  There's something scary about seeking out this total stranger, who is trained in emotion, psyche, etc, and telling her your entire sob story.  Can I trust her?  Will she be helpful or will I waste my time?  Will I be seriously uncomfortable?  Am I even close to being ready to say it all out loud?

I made the call today.  I felt dizzy and my heart was racing, but I left a message asking her to call me back for an appointment.

Family Dynamic (Day 24 of 30)

Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.


*This one was hard for me.  It brought up a lot of emotion and was difficult for me to put all my business out there like this.


I was the oldest of four in a Navy family.  My dad was a recruiter, so we didn't live by the beach.  Ohio, Michigan, and Texas, before I moved to South Carolina to live with my mom and stepdad.  I always felt different that my siblings.  (One sister, one stepsister, one half-brother - but only in a vague sense.  In reality, they've always been my sisters and brother.  There has never been a distinction in my heart or mind.)  They were athletic and outgoing, where I was bookish and shy.  I felt fat, slow, uncoordinated, stupid.  I wasn't all of those things.  I'll cop to the uncoordinated - I've always been clumsy.  My idea of fun was to stay inside and read while they liked to ride skateboards, play sports, and run around outside.  I felt the difference was most noticeable to my parents; that I was compared to my 18 months younger sister, Riann, and found lacking.  That nothing I did was enough.  She and I fought - fight to the death kind of fought.  On a summer visit to our mom, we had to be drug out of the ocean for trying to drown one another.  We still loved each other - we were ready to defend against any outsider - but we hated each other in a way that only sisters can.  I was closer to Dana, who is 4 years younger than me.  I remember playing a lot of Barbies.  Later, she read the same books as I did.  The age difference made it hard to be really close; when you're 11 and liking boys, she's 7 and not.  My brother, Michael, was the baby, seven years younger.  He loved to torment me and I hated it.  Being the baby, and the only boy, he got a little favoritism.  (Which I'm sure my parents would deny!)  


I got into a lot of trouble.  My dad was (and is, in many ways) a Navy man.  He pulled rank and expected you to fall in line.  I was not made for the sailor's life.  I questioned everything.  I wanted reasons for why I wasn't allowed to do things I wanted to do.  And if the reasons didn't feel right to me, I did what I wanted.  I wanted equality and to be heard and respected as an individual.  That's not how my parents did things.  I was a kid - you do what you're told.  Period.  It didn't go over well with me, so I fought back.  Riann still tells me (and Dana) if we'd just kept our mouths shut, we could have avoided a lot of trouble.  Ha!


I went to live with my mom and stepdad when I was 14.  At that point, I had a lot of anger towards my dad.  I felt like he didn't like me (and in my more dramatic moments, that he didn't love me).  So, why stick around?  Living with my mom and stepdad was a learning experience for all of us.  They'd had us every summer since I was 5 or 6, but that wasn't the same as having a teenage girl in the house with high school and boys and friends and frenemies and hormones and Drama.  I'd been pretty sheltered at my dad's house, but my mom and stepdad were more lenient than my dad and stepmom.  I ran around the neighborhood and did things I'd never have had the opportunity to do at my dad's.  Nothing terrible.  Normal teenage stuff - truth or dare, first kisses, stolen cigarettes.  (Mind you - this is over the course of the next few years - not all while I was 14.)  I had my first real boyfriend.  Learned to drive.  Did well at school.  Expressed myself in normal and dramatic ways.  


Halfway through my senior year of high school, my mom got pregnant.  I know, right?!  It was insane to me.  But I was so happy for my parents.  They'd been trying for years and my stepdad had no biological children of his own.  So, at 18, I had a new baby sister, Rachael.  And a new dynamic to the family.  But that's another really long story that you can read here.


As an adult, I've still struggled in my relationships with my parents.  My dad and I are good - as long as he's there and I'm here and we don't really talk about anything real.  His views on things are quite different from my own and we tend to argue, and then I cry, and he gets mad, if we talk about things.  So, we don't.  And I'm happy with that.  I'm happy loving my dad and talking to him every week or so about his grandson.  We keep it light and it works for us.  


My stepmom (who is no longer married to my dad but will always be one of my moms) and I are okay.  I love her but I get frustrated because she has a very different life now and that life seems to exclude us.  Yet, on the rare occasions we do speak, she complains about not seeing him or knowing him.  As much as I recognize she has a right to her own life, I resent the fact that she doesn't make the effort to come see us - or even to call or Skype.  Again, if I keep it superficial, it's all good.  


Basically, with some people, I've learned they will not change.  I have to accept that I can either keep it light and things will stay drama-free, or I can waste my time, energy and emotion trying to get something that doesn't exist.  


Things with my mom have been rocky the last 10 years.  She has battled mental illness while suffering from excruciating back and joint pain brought on by degenerative disc and joint disease.  The mental illness has been hard for me to cope with.  Not only because she sometimes seems like a completely different person, but also because of fear.  Fear that she'll never be the same mom I've known.  Fear that I'll suffer from the same illnesses.  Fear that I'm doing everything wrong and am a terrible daughter.  Our relationship has been getting better - but for one fight we had over and over again.  About Rachael.  I was judgmental and snotty.  I thought I knew better.  Thinking back, it was rude and disrespectful.  It came from a place of fear and worry and LOVE.  I wanted them to be happy and they weren't.  
We'd been getting better.  I was learning to back off; Mom was asking for my opinion and wanting to hear it.  And I began to speak up for myself when things bothered me.  It's hard but it helped my relationship with her.  Then, Rachael died.  Now, our dynamic has a whole new spin.  There's a sadness but also a gratefulness to have one another.  And, on my part, probably some guilt over giving her such a hard time for so long.  For taking so long to grow up and let her be whatever kind of mom she needed to be.  
I've always known I can talk to her.  When things are good or bad, I can call her and she'll listen.  I can talk to her in a way that is unique to our relationship and tell her things I may not be able to tell anyone else.  That's always been there.  


My stepdad has always been one of my favorite people.  He is funny and wise and a good man.  We don't talk as much as we should.  That's my fault.  I felt like I was disappointing him by fighting with my mom and Rachael so much.  In my teen years, he was my protector and confidant.  His strength, love and values have always been an inspiration to me.  Even now, after losing Rachael, he is so strong and so good.  His faith in God has helped us all.  


I love my sisters.  It's amazing to me how close I am to Riann, after everything we did to each other.  She is one of my best friends.  I can, and do, talk to her about everything.  Jack is Riann's biggest fan.  They have a beautiful bond, and I don't have the words to express how much I love that.  Riann's wife, Alyssa, is just amazing.  I love their relationship, their home... them.  
My sister Dana and I tend to clash from time to time because of our differing views on pretty much everything external.  The one (and vital) thing we agree on is family.  We love to spend time together and just be a family together.  I love her quirkiness and her beautiful art.  Jack has nicknamed her "Aunt Funny" because he loves her so much and she always makes him laugh.  
My brother, Michael, and I don't really know each other very well.  Our almost eight year age difference, my moving away when he was just six, his moving away when he was in high school... they all contribute to our not being super close.  Now that he's back in Texas, with his wife and daughters, I'm hoping that will change.  I adore his wife (also a Dana) - she is down-to-earth, funny, smart, and loving.  When we get together, we don't run out of things to say.  And my nieces?  Gorgeous, funny little girls who stole my heart.  There is nothing better than watching my son and my brother's daughter play together.  
Then, there's Rachael.  She changed my life so many times.  I'm sad we won't have the chance to grow our relationship.  I hope she knew how much I love her.  How heartbroken I am.  And how every single thing that happens in our lives, we'll have her right there with us.  


When you get married, you get a whole new family.  This little (okay, kind of going long here) essay would be incomplete if I didn't include my Decker family.  The first time I met my husband's family, we'd only been dating a few weeks.  I was so nervous.  I tried on various outfits - but still remember what I wore: a black A-line skirt with white embroidered outlines of flowers with a pink tee and black slides.  I was going for simple, but cute.  We went to his parents' home to meet his mom, dad, and two sisters.  The girls were still in high school.  Everyone was so quiet and nice.  I probably came off as snobby or standoffish, as I do when I'm nervous.  For a while afterward, I would tease him about his Leave it to Beaver family and how he was the golden boy.  It was foreign to me - having parents that were still together and everyone loving each other so much.
We got married really quickly.  Nine months and one day from our first date, to be exact.  Then, we had a baby and moved to Arizona.  Maybe that's why I don't feel as close to his family as I'd like.  Back when we were planning our wedding, I had dreams of being super close with his mom and sisters.  I feel a distance I wish wasn't there but don't know how to navigate.  It's my own insecurities and shyness holding me back, I'm sure.  We're a family, though, and we'll grow.  Right now, I'm happy knowing how much Jack loves them.  


That's what it all comes back to, for me.  My son knowing and feeling the warmth and security of a large family who loves him.  No matter how far away we are, we all know there is love in family.  

Hobbies (Day 23 of 30)

List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.


1.  Making jewelry.  I haven't done it in so long, but it gives me a sense of relaxation and focus.  Plus, the satisfaction of making something cute.  


2.  Reading.  I try to read enlightening, intellectual things every now and then.  But mostly, I love funny, light books.


3.  Imagining crafty things I can do.  I'm not quite at the actual doing part... yet.  But I will!  I've done a few projects with good outcomes.  I know I'll get more into it.  


4.  Shopping.  I freaking love to shop.  For home items, for clothes, for hair and beauty products.  


5.  Writing.  Obvi!  I love writing in my blog, but can't wait for Jack to start school so I can get back to creative writing.  

Predictions (Day 22 of 30)

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?


Oy.  This is really feeling like a job interview.  Ha!


In 5 years, I hope to have cured cancer, while being a fabulous mom, wife, sibling, daughter, and friend to everyone around me.  


Bahahahahahaha!!


Okay.  I'm done being silly.  (I think.  Sometimes, it just sneaks up on me.)


I really am not the type of person who thinks about where I'll be in 5, 10 or 15 years.  I'm busy in the now.  Here are some quick notes, though:


5 years - 2 kids, participating in various school and after-school activities.  Finally have my house and finances in the shape I want.  (Not perfect, but easier to maintain and looking good.)


10 years - Still 2 kids, 1 husband, lots of friends.  Working on a bachelor's degree.


15 years - One kid off to college, the other in high school.  Working part time in a fulfilling position.  Retirement accounts are making good progress.  Wayne and I have an active social life and are beginning to travel more.

Superpower (Day 21 of 30)

If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?


I'd have the fix-it superpower so I could repaint my house, sod my backyard, remodel my bathrooms... wait, what?  That's not a superpower???  Well, it should be!


Of the typical superpowers, I'd pick reading minds.  I know most people would think it's awful, but I have this need to know what people really think.  Call it nosiness or curiosity, I just want to know.  The first thing I'd do is listen in on Jack's brain.  I want to know what that kid thinks about.  I bet it's crazy.  Haha!

Childhood memories (Day 20 of 30)

Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.


1. One of my earliest memories is my dad applying medicine to my chin.  He was very gentle and very sweet.  I was only 4 and had gotten into the razors.  Apparently, I wanted to shave my chin like my dad did.  


2. I vaguely remember my mom and dad fighting in the kitchen while my sister and I stood in the doorway.  


3. I was a willful child and did things I wasn't supposed to when I disagreed with the reasoning behind the rule. And yes, it was the same thing over and over.  I think I was in 5th or 6th grade when my dad not only grounded me for my latest bout of rule-breaking, but assigned 500 sentences, 3 lines each.  Those weren't done well, so I had to redo them.  And of that set, 250 were unacceptable.  So, I sat down to re-write them.  By the time I was done, I'd written 1250 sentences.  

Places to live (Day 19 of 30)

If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?


If I could choose to live anywhere I wanted - regardless of money, jobs, extended family - it'd be Hawaii.  (What?!  Money is not an issue in my fantasy!)  The water is warm, the weather is amazing, the beaches are gorgeous.  And, of course, everyone would finally want to come visit us!  LOL.  I can totally see myself hitting the beach on a regular basis - there's something about it that makes my soul feel rested and happy and soothed.

Forgiveness (Day 18 of 30)

What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?


Forgiveness has played a tremendous part in my life over the past couple of years.  I think the hardest thing to forgive is a broken heart.  I've had my heart broken by good people who meant no harm.  People who've simply made mistakes.  As we all do.  The hardest part for me is to know how very wrong I was about our relationship, about their feelings toward me.  In the past couple of years, I've forgiven heartbreak that was so far in my past, I'd believed myself to have moved past it; and more recent hurt, as well.  I'll never say I was innocent of any part in the issue.  I'm not that egotistical.  I made my own mistakes.  But I've learned that forgiveness is definitely for me and not for the other person.  Saying I've forgiven someone doesn't necessarily mean I've forgotten or I'll allow that person to remain in my life.  Especially if he/she is toxic to my life.  Forgiveness simply means I am ready to let go of the negativity, realize we all make mistakes, and move on with my life.

Stages of grief

It all sounds so clean cut and organized.  There are 5 stages of grief.  Blah blah blah.

It's been over a month since my last blog about Rachael.  Stupid shit keeps happening in my life.  Maybe it's the universe/God's way of keeping me busy... or like I told Wayne last month - seeing how much it'll take to really make me break.

I got to go to Dallas for a couple weeks for my sister's birthday.  It was really great to be around all my family there.  I love seeing Jack with his cousin, Raeleigh, and all his aunts and uncles (yes, Dave is an honorary uncle now).  So freakin cute.

The night of Riann's birthday, we all went out.  I knew she'd been having a hard day.  I'd talked to mom a couple days earlier, the day after her own birthday, and it'd been a hard day for her.  What they both said is it's hard to celebrate when all you can think is how Rachael won't have another birthday.  She won't get to be 21 and go out to a bar with us.  We won't get to drink a shot of tequila with her.  We don't get to make fun of her first legal hangover.

I wonder if I'll feel like that on my birthday.  It's so far away...

I've been home for a few days now.  I went to see a movie with some friends.  A guy OD's on pills and pukes.  All I could think was, "I wish Rachael would have puked.  I wish I'd found her lying in her own vomit and taken her to the ER so she'd still be alive."  I know it doesn't help to wish or to think what if.  I KNOW. But it's in there and I can't help it.

I've spent the evening looking at her FB page and all her friends' posts there.  I watched the video her friend made.  I can't post to her page.  I can't think of what I'd say.  Sometimes, just "I love you."  Sometimes, just words of anger and frustration and hate.  Hate for the drugs that she was hooked on.  Hate for the circumstances.  And a little bit for her, if I'm being honest.  I mean, really... how could I not be mad at her?  She knew what she was doing.  We all begged her, in various ways, to stop.

The 5 stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  Apparently, not everyone experiences all of them; nor do they come in any particular order.  I have no idea what stage I'm in.  Somewhere between depression and anger, I'd guess.  Only that sounds too clinical.  So I'll call it sad and pissed off.

Greatness (Day 17 of 30)

What is the thing you most wish you were great at?


Ohhhh.  I want to be great at everything I do!!  Seriously.  I used to be an overachiever at work - which definitely did not earn me any brownie points with my coworkers.  (Although, some of my bosses liked to take advantage of it, for sure!)  In fact, I try to avoid anything I may not be stellar at.  (Like singing in public.)


But!  My one wish would be to be great at being a homemaker.  Not just the mom part (although, I would love for Jack to say "my mom is the best" when he's all grown up).  It's the keeping my home neat and tidy.  Making the best, healthiest dinners.  Keeping our finances in perfect order.  Keeping my husband happy and smiling all the time.  Being able to juggle it all without breaking a sweat.  Hey... It's a WISH, y'all!

Accomplishments (Day 16 of 30)

What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?


1. My son.  He's not yet fully grown but he is amazing.  Smart, funny, imaginative, beautiful.  And a really good boy.  He has his moments, of course, but he is good.  


2.  Myself.  I'm still working on me, but I think I'm turning out pretty well.  


3.  My home.  It may not be the neatest or cleanest, but it's comfy and welcoming.  


4. My marriage.  Again, not completely done (obviously), but I happen to think we work well together on figuring things out and making things work. Aside from the obvious (love), it's important that we are friends.


I guess I only have 4... that just means I have so much more to come!  

Animal (Day 15 of 30)

If you were an animal, what would you be and why?


Oh, how I've always abhorred this question.  My brain just doesn't work this way.  I wouldn't be an animal.  I'd be a human.  Why would I want to be an animal and live in the outdoors, dealing with someone trying to kill me all the time?  Having to hunt and/or gather food?  I like being a human - I can go to a grocery store to purchase pre-killed, pre-gathered, pre-packaged foods.  I can sleep in a comfy, temperature controlled home with little fear of being attacked.  I can have babies without fear of having them eaten by a predator.  I guess I'm just spoiled by my human life.  

Strengths (Day 14 of 30)

Describe 5 strengths you have.


1.  Emotional.  I know what you're thinking - how is this a strength??  First, let me explain: when I say emotional, I do not mean hyper-sensitive, super intense, spilling my personal feelings all over anyone who comes near me.  I mean that I have a heightened sense of my own emotional well-being, which translates into being able to define and own my emotions - and DEAL with them.  Obviously, I'm not perfect.  There are things I haven't been able to handle yet.  But, in every day life, I am comfortable expressing my emotions and moving on.


2.  Forgiveness.  I can forgive almost anyone almost anything.  Sometimes, it takes a little longer than others.  But, in the end, I'll try to see where the other person was coming from and forgive them.  


3. Humor.  I can make fun of myself like no one else.  I can find the humor in nearly any situation.  It definitely balances things out for me in tough situations.


4. Honesty.  I rarely lie.  I won't say never, because we all lie from time to time.  But I really try to avoid it.  I was a serious liar as a kid - and I got caught about 50% of the time.  Now, a lie will make me feel sick to my stomach and sad and guilty as hell.  So, I just don't do it.  Besides, lying is exhausting.  Not only do you have to come up with a good, believable story but you have to remember all the details so as to never get caught.  


5. Love.  It's so very very cheesy, but I have a lot of love in me.  And I love so many people.  I'm not always the best friend or wife or mom, but I always try.  And I always let people know how much they mean to me.