I have like, literally 15 minutes until I'm supposed to pick up Jack from school but just saw a friend's post and another friend's comment on Facebook regarding friend A's dilemma about returning to work. I began to comment and then realized I would take up WAY too much space and time on her Facebook, offering my opinions - which she and her other friends/family may or may not care about.
So I decided to post it here where I know you all care immensely about what goes on in my brain.
My friend has three beautiful children and has been on a leave of absence from work and is deciding if she should return or continue to stay home. Our other friend's response was something to the effect of "being a working mom is good for my brain but I miss my kids." (Hers was much more eloquent and I hope she'll forgive me but I AM a bit rushed at the moment.) All of which got me thinking about the stay-at-home mom vs the working mom. While there are still some women who have made definite choices and believe theirs is the one and only correct way, I believe (hope) most of us have come to realize that everyone does what is best for herself and none of us can judge. Personally, I don't believe I could handle the working mom lifestyle. Aside from the emotional aspect of it - and we all know just how emotional I am! - there is the flat out exhaustion! I can barely keep my house clean while not working. I could only begin to imagine the horridness that would occur should I return to work at this stage in our lives. (Think Hoarders: Buried Alive.) I have untold amounts of respect and awe for my friends who do it all - work, take care of not one but two or more small children, do the housework, laundry, cooking and shopping. Plus, paying bills, keeping the social/family calendar updated and filled... it's exhausting to just think about!!
On the flip side, I am a bit envious, at times. I love my kid. In ways I never thought imaginable. But I find myself bogged down in the daily life struggles of discipline, potty-training, behavior, teaching, discipline, discipline, discipline. Especially in this particular phase of smart-mouthed, defiant attitude. I begin to wonder if I had a break from him - if I missed him during the day while I was at work or he was at school or whatever - if I would appreciate him more. And enjoy him more. Which makes me a little sad that I feel I need time away from him in order to enjoy the present with him. And that is definitely something I need to work on. Being present in the present.
But it just got me thinking... And maybe I'm a horrible mom for admitting it and you'll all turn on me now, but it is what it is. As they say: at least I'm honest!
I think the working mom vs stay at home mom is a very dynamic decision, what is right for one family may not be right for another family, and I would never dream of judging someone for making that decision.
ReplyDeleteAs for the rest, I think I could have written the exact same as you did. So, if you are a horrible mom, then I am too, because I have felt the same way at times. I think it's all just part of the job of being a mom.
I totally think that it's a personal decision, too. While I'm really grateful that I'm able to stay home, we made that decision KNOWING that we'd be living on a stricter budget, but also knowing that our children are being raised exactly how we want to! My favorite thing, though, is when working moms get upset at stay-at-home moms. I have literally been told that I have single handedly set the women's movement back 65 years. how about we all make our own choices!?!
ReplyDeleteDyana