I was being such a rotten bitch the other night. I don't know if it was hormones or stress or exhaustion or what but I couldn't seem to find a single fucking thing to smile about. I know Wayne thought he was taking the brunt of it but what he didn't realize is that I was holding back about 70% of the bitchiness going through my mind. Seriously. I felt like screaming... my chest had this tight little ball of frustration and I felt like the only way to loosen it was to scream at someone. Luckily, I am rational enough to realize this would not be an acceptable outlet for my inner frustrations. Not only would I alienate the best thing to ever happen to me - the man who loves me enough to put up with my random bitchiness - but I'd also scare the shit out of my 3 year old. Neither of them deserve that.
What I can't seem to express to Wayne is how this feeling just comes on me when I'm stressed about something and it's best to just let me be for a little while. That I need time to either GOI or figure out what's bothering me so I can resolve it. He wants to joke me out of it or fix it or something and that just makes. me. want. to. hit. him. Or something. But it's not his fault. He didn't do anything differently than he does any other day.
Even going on a walk didn't help. At all. Got my blood pumping... burned 459 calories in 32 minutes. And I was still cranky as hell. Luckily, I woke up the next day and the demon who'd possessed me had left for less rational pastures... she was probably looking for someone without the willpower to resist her sly little voice urging her newest victim to just go ahead and hurt the people she loves. Now if I could just get rid of the other bitch residing in my body... the one who loves to eat Jack in the Box at midnight.
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