Party party party... possible party!

I am always the hostess. I am always the hostess. I am always the hostess.

That's me. I love to plan parties. Love. Love the lists. Love the decorating. Love the menus. Love the cooking and the people and the drinks and the invitations and the everything... except the cleaning. Although, that's not usually too bad because I get that totally insane nervous energy (plus a Red Bull) and I - with a slightly scared but mostly annoyed husband in tow - storm through the house, snatching up every last misplaced item, attacking dust and dirt like it slapped my mama, and basically making my house look as much like Pier 1 as possible. (Thanks, Linnea!) And I am so totally head over heels in love with my house when we're done. If I could somehow manage to keep it looking like that all the time, then I'd have more energy/time for the individual party decor and maybe I could pull off something like Alyssa's French Classy theme. (There are 3 parts - you've got to at least see all the pics!) Of course, if I could keep my house looking like that all the time, then we'd miss out on all the fun of the pre-party meltdown in which I panic and yell at Wayne and end up crying because I'm so sorry for being such a freaking nut but ohmygod we're never gonna get it all done before the people come. And everytime, he says, "We're not having another party, ever, ever. Never." And a few months later, I start planning something else. Because (say it with me):

I am always the hostess.

So. In that vein... I'm in the midst of planning not one, but two parties. With one, possibly two in the not so distant future.

First, we've got the so much fun and not too difficult to plan/prep Girls' Night In on November 7th. It's a Passion Party - an independent consultant company that sells sensual products. Like Pampered Chef or Tupperware but with sex toys and edibles and the like. Since it's an at home party company, most of the prep work is done by the consultant - in this instance, the fabulous Marissa Page. (No, I haven't met her yet but she comes highly recommended and she posts the BEST things on her Facebook page.) She brings her bag of tricks (that could sound very bad) and we all learn new things from her about enhancing our romantic lives. All I really have to do is invite people and make a few snacks. Oh - and get rid of Wayne and Jack. Pretty simple really. I'm planning to get some roses and candles to decorate (romance, right?) and serve some simple snacks - both savory and sweet cheese balls, as well as some pigs in a blanket. For drinks, I'll most likely serve some sort of gin or vodka punch. With sweet tea, water and lemonade (?) on standby for those who prefer. If I can find the mold in town, I MIGHT make some chocolate penis lollipops. Funny and yummy!

The second party I'm planning is a joint effort and, while I am very much looking forward to a fun Girl's Night, this is the one I'm just ecstatic about. My very first big Thanksgiving dinner!! Erin and I have the same traditional feel for the holiday and, since we both are missing our families so far away, we're hosting the dinner together. It's super fun to plan this with her because we are SO MUCH ALIKE when it comes to this stuff! From the lists to the invitations to the menu (traditionally yummy), we've yet to find anything we disagree on!! Our husbands tried to help - by suggesting we move their ginormous table from their house to ours - but we shot them down. Much easier to rent the tables and chairs from a local company. Erin and I had our first planning session today - she came over and we designed the Evite, finished the guest list, and discussed the menu. Next week, we'll finalize our menu planning - including who will cook what - and start on decor. I'm envisioning something Martha Stewart-Sandra Lee for the tablescape. (I love that word!!)

Maybe a white tablecloth with a fall colored (green, brown, or orange) runner - stripes are always a go for me. Then candles, pumpkins, leaves, etc. Nothing over the top or too big - I like people to be able to see each other while they eat. Oohhh!! Was just browsing Google's collection of Thanksgiving tablescapes and came up with a fabulous idea!! I'm not going to say (don't want anyone to steal it) but it involves mini white pumpkins, candles, and felt. I'll definitely post pictures after the event so you can be jealous!!

Party number three is my 33rd birthday! I know, I probably shouldn't plan my own birthday party but how can it be everything I want if I'm not in charge? LOL. Not sure what's going to happen with it yet - might drag everyone to a club for dancing all night long to prove I'm not yet old and boring... or we could end up having a party here. Maybe dinner, then dancing?? We'll have to wait and see!! All I know is, my friends are required to be there, my sisters are wished to be there, and it's gonna be all about ME!!

Possible party number four is a Pampered Chef dealio. Not sure yet if we have the time for it, as we'll want it before Christmas but we're already pretty booked up for November and we're going out of town the first week of December. With my birthday in December, too... Idk. Might not happen!

First a bitch and now an asshole...

I think Wayne is rubbing off on me. I never used to just blurt things out without thinking about my audience or who I might offend. Even if they were funny as hell...

So, last night, I went to a "Southern Living at Home" party... you know, where you're presented with items and catalogs and encouraged to buy things. Unfortunately, these things were out of my league price-wise, and to be completely honest, not really my style. Although, I did see a gorgeous shower curtain - but at $80, I just can't justify buying it. Well, this party was the consultant's first - she was both saleslady and hostess. She's a new member of my mommy group and I wanted to be supportive. Erin and I went to maybe meet some new people, look at pretty things, and have a good time.

At first, it was a bit stilted and awkward. We didn't know them, they didn't know us, we didn't have much to say. Then, things got rolling and we were doing really well... until I became the blathering idiot who doesn't think before she speaks. Somehow, the conversation had become about the Duggars and their religion (Mormon was what everyone thought, but I looked and they're actually Independent Baptists) and location (Arkansas, Erin's former homestate).

Hostess: Oh, there aren't many Mormons in Arkansas, are there?
Erin: Hm. Well, I don't really know. I don't guess so.
Hostess: But there ARE a lot of Baptists!
Asshole (formerly known as ME): Hahaha! Oh yeah. Erin's a recovering Baptist! Hahahaha!
....
(Insert cricket noises and awkward looks between Hostess and Hostess's friend.)
....
Hostess: I'm a Baptist.
Erin: Oh, well I LOVE being a Baptist, we just haven't found any Baptist churches here that we really like. We've been to several churches, and they've all been great. I think we really like...

The nervous babble about churches went on for several minutes while I simply shut down. Literally, in my head, I repeated, "I'm such an asshole. I can't believe I just did that. What kind of asshole comes to a person's house and makes fun of her religion when she doesn't even KNOW her? Asshole! Such an asshole! I am SO getting blacklisted from the Mommy group. Gah! Asshole!"

Thankfully, Hostess is a very nice person... and Erin's constant stream of babble covered what would have been a pretty horrible silence. She just kept talking until Hostess joined in and things went back to normal. I literally almost bought a $26 (plus tax & shipping) gravy boat in a fit of guilt.

When we left, Erin and I got into my car and BURST out laughing. It was that uncontrollable, it's probably not that funny to anyone else but we just can't stop laughing about it kind of laughter. (In fact, our husbands didn't see how it was funny or offensive when we relayed the story to them.)

Ahhh. Good times, good times.

Bitch Without a Cause

I was being such a rotten bitch the other night. I don't know if it was hormones or stress or exhaustion or what but I couldn't seem to find a single fucking thing to smile about. I know Wayne thought he was taking the brunt of it but what he didn't realize is that I was holding back about 70% of the bitchiness going through my mind. Seriously. I felt like screaming... my chest had this tight little ball of frustration and I felt like the only way to loosen it was to scream at someone. Luckily, I am rational enough to realize this would not be an acceptable outlet for my inner frustrations. Not only would I alienate the best thing to ever happen to me - the man who loves me enough to put up with my random bitchiness - but I'd also scare the shit out of my 3 year old. Neither of them deserve that.

What I can't seem to express to Wayne is how this feeling just comes on me when I'm stressed about something and it's best to just let me be for a little while. That I need time to either GOI or figure out what's bothering me so I can resolve it. He wants to joke me out of it or fix it or something and that just makes. me. want. to. hit. him. Or something. But it's not his fault. He didn't do anything differently than he does any other day.

Even going on a walk didn't help. At all. Got my blood pumping... burned 459 calories in 32 minutes. And I was still cranky as hell. Luckily, I woke up the next day and the demon who'd possessed me had left for less rational pastures... she was probably looking for someone without the willpower to resist her sly little voice urging her newest victim to just go ahead and hurt the people she loves. Now if I could just get rid of the other bitch residing in my body... the one who loves to eat Jack in the Box at midnight.

New couches!!

Wayne and I bought our couches 3 years ago in Plano, Texas. We were moving in together, after 5 months of pregnancy and 2 months of marriage! (He was in the Army, I lived in Dallas...) My single girl furniture wasn't cutting it for Big Ern so we went on a shopping expedition. Oh the horrors of shopping for furniture that we could agree on! He's 6 ft tall, I'm 5. There's a reason they call him Big Ern, peeps! It wasn't color or design that threw up the roadblocks. We found the perfect set at a little place called Rooms To Go. We loooooved our cranberry, microfiber, overstuffed, big comfy couches. Stand up to baby puke? Check! Long haired black cat fur? Check! Even potty training toddler pee? Check check!!

Aren't they beautiful?? And so comfy!

And then... we moved. Twice within 5 months. Apparently, these couches were not meant to withstand being stacked on a moving van and thrown around by my husband's well-meaning but hopelessly rough friends. The back brace on the big couch cracked, making the whole thing kind of wiggly; the lower seat brace on the loveseat cracked, too, but it made this godawful screeching, groaning noise when anyone over the age of 10 would sit on it or get up from it; the seat backs, behind the cushions, caved in. We kept the couches for a couple more years. Couldn't bear to part with them, nor afford new furniture.

Until now!! We finally got so tired of dealing with the breakdown of our favorite furniture, our first foray into actual grown-up furniture that we bought brand new, we decided to try to fix them. Well, not ourselves, of course. We'd love to be that handy but we're just not. I called a furniture repair place and made an appointment for an estimate. They never showed. Nice. I called another place but in the course of talking with the woman figured out the time, hassle and cost of getting it fixed wouldn't be worth it. It'd just break again.

Luckily for us, the local LaZBoy store was having a clearance sale! They were renting a space and the landlord decided to get greedy so they're pulling out of Sierra Vista and moving back to Tucson. Their stock was up to 50% off. Pretty darned good for the oh so expensive LaZBoy. Jack and I went on a little recon mission to see if there was even a reason for dragging Wayne in there. Luckily enough, there was!! A week of talking it over and finally, Wayne agreed. We got our comfy, pretty new set with a lifetime warranty and a 5 year fabric guarantee. Woo hoo!!! And since they're a warm brown (raisin) and the new chair is a smoky blue, we don't have to change the rest of our decor at all!!

And now we have even more room for people to sit when they come to visit us! Which we love love love. Some come visit and sit on our awesome new couches...

Oh. And I hate the 1970's afghan style pillows so if you find some inexpensive, raisin/smoky blue pillows that are made of a fabric that won't cause me to irrationally yell, "Get your drooly/sweaty/sticky head off that pillow!" at my husband and child, let me know!! (I have raw silk pillows in my bedroom that neither of them are allowed to touch.) I like stripes, paisley, and other fun patterns. (Hint: Alyssa, I'm lookin at you, babe!)

Fall Decor

I generally don't put anything out for fall. With our red couches, dark brown wood, and other warm colors, we didn't need to decorate. But we now have warm brown couches and a smoky blue chair that are going to totally have me scrambling to decorate for Christmas, much less fall holidays! Then my friend, a seasonal decorating FIEND, had some leftover pumpkins and scarecrows and such, so she brought them to me.

Inspired by that, and my across the street neighbor (whom I don't talk to anymore) hanging a cute fall orange wreath, I was on a mission to find a similar front door hanging - only better, of course!! I saw a very nice wreath at Safeway but it was on the smallish side and cost $20. My fiendish friend suggested I make my own. (HAHAHAHAHA!) But I figured by the time I bought all the things I'd want, I'd spend way more than if I were to just buy one. So, Walmart, here I come! I found this suuuuper cute brown wicker basket with fall flowers to hang on my door.

It's huge but you can definitely see it from the street - AND it's bigger and better than the one across the street. Petty? Sure. Mean? Not really. If I were mean, I'd go steal the damn thing and trash it. But that wouldn't even occur to me because I'm a sweet person.

I also bought some mini pumpkins from the grocery store to go in the silver bowl on my dining room table. (Wayne hates that bowl but that's a different story.)

With those, the scarecrows and pumpkins from my friend, and our door hanging, it's pretty darn fall-ish around here! I'm no Alyssa, but I like it!

Soap box

I really really have a problem with inequality. I hate to see people treated unfairly. I know - that makes me a complete and total tree-hugger/hippie/idealist/flower-child. Embrace it, as I have.
I received a fwd email today about how we should boycott the Muslim holiday stamp. Now, I don't generally pay attention to political goings on so don't blame me if the information regarding the stamp is incorrect. I really don't care enough about it to do any research on the validity/dates/origins/etc. Here's the email I got:


Please, Read and forward to all your friends and family in U S.
Thanks

Veuillez lire et transmettre a tous vos amis et famille aux E U. Merci


Subject: New U.S. SPS New 42-Cent Stamp!!! Celebrates Muslim holiday.
If there is only ONE thing you forward today... let it be this!
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of Pan Am Flight 103!
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993!
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the Marine Barracks in Lebanon !
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the military Barracks in Saudi Arabia !
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the American Embassies in Africa !
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the USS COLE!
REMEMBER the MUSLIM attack on 9/11/2001 !
REMEMBER all the AMERICAN lives that were lost in those vicious MUSLIM attacks!

Now President Obama has directed the United States Postal Service to REMEMBER and HONOR the EID MUSLIM holiday season with a new commemorative 42 Cent First Class Holiday Postage Stamp..
REMEMBER to adamantly & vocally BOYCOTT this stamp, when you are purchasing your stamps at the post office.
All you have to say is "No thank you, I do not want that Muslim Stamp on my letters!"
To use this stamp would be a slap in the face to all those AMERICANS who died at the hands of those whom this stamp honors.
REMEMBER ~Pass this along to every Patriotic AMERICAN that you know and let's get the word out !!!



So, I got a little riled. Something about the ALL CAPS Muslim, about the call to patriotic arms over a stamp... I did a little bit of research (ie, Googled "Eid"). Then, I wrote the following and hit reply all:

I probably don't know any of you on this email... I hope you take a moment to read my response.

My husband has been to Iraq twice. Once as an Army soldier, the second time as an Army contractor (and father to a 1 year old, I might add). The first time was a frightening, enthralling, life-changing, educational experience for him. I had yet to meet him so I wasn't affected. The second time was all of that for me - a year all alone in a strange city with a 1 year old WILL change you. He's lost friends to the war on terrorism. Notice I said war on TERRORISM. Not the war on the Muslims. Muslims, as a whole, are not responsible for the horrific events thrust upon our world by the extremists who claim Islam as their reason for murdering innocents. In point of fact, there are many Muslims in our military who fight just as hard as Catholics, Protestants, Baptists, Agnostics and Atheists against the terrorists we all fear. I, and my husband, happen to be very close to one such Muslim. Our friend has put herself in danger to fight for her country - the US; she has left her daughter, her friends, her life behind to fight for OUR freedoms. And for her freedom to choose a religion and NOT BE PERSECUTED FOR THAT CHOICE.

My husband is well-versed in the Muslim culture. The Eid holiday is a peaceful one. If you look it up, the history is similar to the Christian story in which a father must sacrifice his son for God. Today, the celebration is about community and giving.

Please remember that Muslims are not the enemy. Please please remember that it is extremists responsible for horrors - and extremists come in all shapes, sizes, religions and races. (Have you perhaps heard of the Army of God? St Bartholomew's Day massacre? Christian Identity? Shirley Phelps-Roper?)

Again, thanks for taking the time to read this. I just couldn't let it pass without adding my opinion and trying to keep some semblance of peace and fairness in today's mixed up crazy world.

I'm fairly proud of my little email and wanted to share it with all of you. Let's all try to remember to be fair and open-minded. To try love before we try hate. (Here comes the flower-child!) Remember that by overcoming your fears and hatreds, you'll grow as a person and make the world a better place.