So, the last blog I wrote... or vomited onto the page... was filled with so much anger and stress and negative emotion. I just reread it and physically can remember the emotion. It was horrible. I'm beginning to feel headachy just from reading it.
Since then, I've started a therapy of sorts. And it's changing me. It's helping me to discover who I truly am, who I want to be, and how to blend the two. For one, I've stopped (or nearly stopped - breaking old habits is HARD) beating myself up about every little thing. I've stopped stressing about things that are not a priority for me. And I've - finally - decided that I am a priority. I am number one. (Anyone else hear the Nelly song now? LOL) And since I've decided that, to quote a smart lady, my world doesn't exist without ME... the funniest thing has happened. I'm enjoying being with other people more. And I think they enjoy me more. Because I'm happy and I'm not bogged down with all this negative internal stuff - worrying about how to be a good friend, good mom, good wife. Because I already AM all of those things when I let myself just BE.
I still get upset. I'm not suddenly the Dalai freaking Lama. I'm not perfect but I am enjoying my imperfections a lot more and accepting me for being me. Which is what I want my friends and family to do - so why not set an example, right? I'm not done. I have plenty of work to do. But I've made huge leaps and bounds into being happier. Which is what we all want, right? To just be and to be happy and to be loved and loving.
Oh - and a bonus benefit? I'm losing weight. Which is what I started the whole therapy thing for anyhow. LOL
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