Sickly? Boo!

I have a cold. It's nothing major - your basic, run-of-the-mill headcold. I've actually (knock on wood) had much worse. This is kind of a feeling blah, headache, sore throat and a little bit of a sniffly nose and cough cold. But it definitely disrupts my life. Which I hate. I like those days when I wake up feeling motivated and ready to accomplish anything. Days when Jack is in a spectacular mood, playing by himself while I do housework or cook or what have you. Days when I get the house completely clean and make nutritious, healthful meals for us all. When, at the end of the day, I walk through the house, turning off lights, locking doors, and notice how nice everything looks with all our crap put away and cleaned up.
This is not one of those days. Hell, I haven't had one of those days in a while. And it sucks.
I haven't been to the gym in over a month. Gr. I was really planning on jumping back on that this week. :(
My house is a wreck. And there is no chance of it getting clean without me doing it. I love my husband more than anything, but he will let it go until I feel better. (To give him his credit - he did do dishes last night.) It doesn't help me feel better when I look around and see messes everywhere. :(
But, the point... my cousin pointed out my near constant illnesses. Which I took to heart. I asked Wayne, "Am I sick a lot?" Being a man, and therefore oblivious to the anxiety and self-doubt behind the question, he answered, "Well, yeah." So now I feel horrible. Like some weak, sickly burden of a person. Like I've done something terribly wrong. I am ashamed.
Which is stupid, right? I mean, it's not as if I mean to get colds and tension headaches. I wash my hands, use sanitizer, clean all surfaces religiously with anti-bacterial wipes. I do stretches to help alleviate the tension headaches. I commented on FB that I believe it's part of being a mom to a small child - they bring home all kinds of germs and sicknesses. But I still feel... guilty.
It's a bit of a vicious cycle, too. I know working out, being healthy will help. And while I was going to the gym religiously, I was much better. (Yes, even with all the germs that float around gyms.) Then, Jack got sick. Of course. Because he's in a room with 20 other kids, most of which who's mothers could care less if they bring a sick kid to the gym to spread germs around. So, I had to stay home with him. Were I a more determined, kick-ass sort of person, I could have gone to the gym in the evenings, after dinner. But I'm not. By the time Wayne gets home from work, I am exhausted. I am done and just want to eat dinner, relax while the boys play, and then send Jack to bed so we can watch TV. Lazy? Maybe - but I'm too lazy to care. Ha! Of course, after Jack got sick, I got sick. Then the tension headaches returned. Then Wayne got sick. And now me.
I've been to the doctor about being sick, tired, and having headaches. His answer? "You have tension headaches - which I can't do anything about except tell you to take meds. We've done bloodwork and there's nothing there. You are tired and sick because you have a 3 year old. You're a mom." Okay, so it was a lot nicer than that - he's a very nice doctor. But you get the point.
It does relieve me somewhat to know that I'm not a weak, sickly mess. I'm just a mom of a germy kid. Hopefully, he'll get all this sickness and colds out of the way now so he'll have a really strong immune system when he's older. Until then, I guess I'll keep taking my meds and vitamins, and make it to the gym when I can. And... if you want to come visit me, give me at least 2 hours notice so I can clean up the little messes I've ignored in favor of laying around in my jammies and hoping I'll feel better tomorrow. :)

"Mommy Group"

Okay... so, I had a hard time meeting new people when I moved to this crappy little desert/mountain town. Partially, because I didn't want to - I was depressed and didn't care. Also, because I'd always had something like school or work that I went to everyday and met new people who would introduce me to other new people and so on and so forth. Everyone said, "Join a mommy group! It's online and you meet for playdates!" Well, um... no thanks! I had a 2 month old. How does a infant who can't crawl, talk or play go on a playdate??? It'd be different if it was with moms I knew. I would have ROCKED some playdates with Audy and Marcus. ;D But that's because those kinds of playdates are primarily to chat with your friend while your baby lays on the floor so you don't go out of your mind with the absolute boredom that sets in if you are consumed with changing diapers and feeding a baby for 9 -10 hours a day with no adult interaction. Not really something you do well with complete strangers.

Anyway, fast forward to earlier this year. February, I believe. Jack was 2 1/2 (or almost), he loved to play, and I had lost last year's friend/lifeline to her recently home from Iraq husband. I figured I should meet some new people. Jack should learn to play with others. Maybe we could both make a friend! (Also, I was recovered from earlier depression which definitely helps in the not being socially retarded aspect of making friends.)

I looked around and found a group. Seemed like a good choice. I started going to a few of the playdates/outings, but really didn't click with anyone. I was almost sure the lack of overtures/conversations including myself was due to my shyness. I figured as I became more comfortable with expressing myself, both in the online forum and in person, they'd start talking to me more. Hm... but then it was months and months of people barely registering my existence much less speaking to me. I mean, don't get me wrong. I've met a few moms who are very nice. I've been to the movies and out to lunch with one, had some pretty good conversations at outings with another, and exchange friendly "HI!!'s" when I see another. But mostly, MOSTLY, the other moms give me a quick "yeah, hi, how are ya, isn't jack cute" kind of greeting and then go on to chat endlessly with anyone else. I really was thinking it was me. Seriously. As in, maybe I'm just not mommy group material.

Then, a new member came along. She looked interesting and fun. I liked her glasses. (Yes, seriously.) So, I invited her to meet me at the park. We chatted. We discussed the group and the definite snobbery. Finally!! I realize it's not me at all. I had been so removed from the cliquey-ness of high school and even work that I failed to recognize these certain moms for who they were - the so-called popular kids. I didn't meet some invisible, unspoken criteria yet I didn't cause problems so I've been tolerated. But always pushed to the outside. Not that I really minded too much - I mean, when they were chatting away, it was generally about things that made my eyes glaze over.

My husband and I were talking about it tonight... specifically about one mom who is fairly new but has just found out she's moving. For all the other moving moms, they host big farewells and such. For this one, she's hosting her own farewell thing, at her house - which I'm thinking must be a pain in the middle of packing up, since she's moving next week! - and so far, I'm the only one who's signed up to go to this. Granted, it's a little last minute but come on! When someone set up a tour of the firestation, I swear there were 20 kids there. When another mom (one of the "in" crowd) hosted an ice cream social at the last minute, everyone came to that. So what's the deal now? She's not cool enough? She came to almost every one of the playdates, she interacted with more people than I've seen anyone else do, she's offered to help anybody anytime with anything they post, she comments constantly on the forum. Now, maybe I'm being rash and all 15 of the normal attendees are busy tomorrow. Maybe they're all sick, or have plans, or have hives, or something. But that seems a bit odd to me. No? I'm a bitch?? Well, there you go. ;)

Blissfully happy

Well, that may be an exaggeration but I am happy, so that counts for something, right? I was just thinking... I generally blog when something is bugging me and my husband, sisters and friends are all busy with work, friends, or anything else more interesting/demanding than listening to me bitch. Not that I blame them. Who wants to listen to someone spewing vitriol about a crazy lady at the grocery store when you could be snuggling with your special someone or eating dinner or watching your kid play football or watching grass grow?

(I just read the word vitriol in a book the other day and can't get it out of my head. I'm so happy I got to use it.)

Anywho... I have been thinking about how lucky I really am lately. My husband, while never perfect, is an amazing person. He never complains about coming home from a long day at work and diving right into play fighting with Jack - in fact, he loves it. On the rare occasion that I am seriously hungover, he does not batter me with recriminations or "you know betters." He simply drives to Filiberto's to get me a Country burrito. After I've eaten, he gives me ibuprofen and water, and sends me back to bed. Once I've slept an additional 4 hours, he then goes out and gets me an extra large Diet Coke for my caffeine fix. And he does it all without complaint. This wonderful husband of mine also would do anything for his friends and family. But he doesn't take any bullshit. I love that about him. He's smart and seriously seriously funny. (Don't tell him I said that, though.) We have our arguments but we're getting better at them. And he loves to watch the most boring science and history shows... not to mention football. But! Much as I vowed to never have all day football Sundays because I hated them sooo very much growing up, we've found a compromise. He had football on all day long yesterday and I didn't mind one single bit because he didn't neglect us in favor of a game on TV. He didn't get angry when Jack and I were being too loud and he couldn't hear the game. He offered, several times, to change the channel if I was too bored. He answered my questions (only one this time!) without exasperation or frustration.
We have a gorgeous brilliant funny son, an awesome house, nice things in that house, two newish vehicles that not only get us from A to B but also have room for all our crap when traveling, food, clothes, a million toys. Most of that list was material, but I'm trying to make this short and sweet. I guess I'm saying I feel so incredibly lucky to be where I am when I am with who I am. And I think that's enough bragging for now... the next blog will be bitchy and caustic and funny. I promise.