Too.Much.In.Head....

I haven't blogged for ages. I don't know exactly how long, because I didn't bother to look at the date of my last post when I just read it... I'm going to say at least 3 weeks??
Doesn't really matter. I've been thinking about posting. Have even logged on, clicked on the link and then stared at the empty, blank box. Couldn't think where to start. What to say. Don't know if it's because I think of too many things I'd like to write down or if I just started thinking, "who the fuck cares?" Because, really, who does? The people I'm close to, who do like to hear what's going on in my life, they already know. Because I talk to them. And do they really want to read a long ass entry about everything they probably already know about? Reading this particular entry, would they think, "Jesus, Jen. Do you have to overthink every fucking thing?" The funny thing is, if I weren't blogging, I probably wouldn't even consider whether or not people wanted to know what I have to say. I guess, on some level I assume people don't. Ex: when I go to my "mommy group" playdates/meetings, I generally stay very quiet. I don't know any of them that well and when I have spoken in the past, there's a disconnect. Like they just don't get what I'm saying or why I'm saying it. And this is not in my head... they really are looking at me like I'm a freak. I am fairly egotistical about my level of insight and intelligence when I decide to put my opinions out there so it confuses me when they do this. Will you ever stumble upon me delving into political or religious debates? Probably not. I am blissfully ignorant and would not risk exposing my extreme lack of information by discussing it. Smile and nod, smile and nod.
Of course, part of my silence in the company of other moms is in large part due to the overwhelming majority of people with young children to engage in competitive parenting. Listen, do I think my kid is the best fucking kid in the world? Do I think he's smart and funny and gorgeous and headed for brilliance in this life? OF COURSE! Do I feel it necessary to prove that by making him memorize shit he could care less about? No fucking way. And why would I? I mean, fuck that. Let him be a kid!! My kid plays with cars and trucks and balls and pretend friends and loves to shoot/punch/headbutt all the bad guys that continuously invade our home for no other reason than to allow him to beat them to hell. He dumps all of his toys out of his bins and makes steps. (Remember, my sisters - who better be reading my blog! - when we used to make steps out of pillows? How we'd only move around the room via these pillows because the floor had turned to boiling hot lava or shark infested waters??) Can he recite the alphabet? Spell his name? Not even a little bit. To be fair, I have taught him some things - his full name, my name, his dad's name for safety reasons; colors for the convenience of being able to say, "Can you bring me that orange cup?"; counting because... well, it was cute. haha. And I'll be damned if he can't tell you every kind of emergency vehicle that exists on this planet. But that's just because he loves them. And do I care, at all!, if your kid can't do those things? Hell no! Because maybe your kid CAN sing the alphabet and DOES like to sit and color. Good for you and your kid! Yay!! I'll throw you a parade. But don't look down on me because my kid is 2 weeks shy of turning 3 and would rather wear diapers than take time out from punching the bad guys and go pee in the toilet. As long as he's not peeing on your kid, why the fuck do you care??