My friends... are the BEST friends... seriously. Your friends aren't as cool as mine.

I am not very good at verbally expressing love and gratitude.  I'm conscious of it.  I think about how much I love my friends and how grateful I am for their input, their jokes and stories, their trust and compassion.  The way this one laughs with all her being or the way that one just tells it like it is.  How she taught me to quit taking every damn thing so personally - a lesson that's helped me tremendously over the past 6 years.  How she is so beautifully artistic in every single thing she does.  How I feel loved and special and happy in their presences.  It's a beautiful thing.  (Sometimes, it's an ugly thing but that's only when Pepsi shoots out of noses all over pizza.  And, in it's way, still frickin GORGEOUS.)
What I have a problem with is verbalizing it all.  Just saying, "Hey - I appreciate you and love you and think xyz about you," is a tough, tough thing for me.  I feel corny and insincere and... dumb.  And overly emotional.  Plus, when do you do something like that?  Randomly, over lunch?  Just call her up and be all gushy?  (Okay, there's one friend who'd probably love it.  The rest would ask me what I've been smoking.)  I try sending cards but that doesn't really convey my true feelings.  And it's rare that I remember to do it.
Then there are my friends that I don't see very often.  Not the long distance ones, either.  (Though you COULD call/write/visit every once in a while!)  I'm talking about my friends that live here in town and we haven't done a playdate for 3 months or so.  We all have super busy lives and things get crazy so we end up not seeing one another for such a long time.  Then, I start feeling guilty about being out of the loop for so long.  And life gets all up in my way - Jack gets sick, I get sick, things break, the dog needs to go to the vet, my mom is coming to visit.  And sometimes, I just want to be alone.  I'm sure all the moms out there can relate to those times when you feel as if everyone has just been in.your.face.all.week.long.  The kid, the dog, the husband...  So some peace and quiet and aloneness is all you really want.
But my point is this:

Dear Friend,
I seriously think you're awesome and I love hanging out with you.  Life sometimes gets in the way and I find myself completely overbooked and overwhelmed and don't make time for you like I should.  But please don't think that has anything to do with how I feel about you.  I want to see you and hear all about whatever is new, exciting or crappy in your life.  Please, please don't give up on me.  I really am trying.
Love,
Jen
(Aka your craptastic friend who never makes time for you)