We are having plumbing issues in our master bathroom. It's been going on for a while - one thing after another, of course. Never the same thing so we have to pay the warranty company the fee each time. (If it were the same issue, we would only have to pay the fee once.) Well, they get to pick which plumber they send out. Normally, I have no problems with the guys they pick. But one last year was the epitome of all plumber jokes - stinky and gross and creepy and yes, showin that oh so nasty crack. :( Other than that guy, the plumbers have always been clean and nice looking and friendly. (One was even pretty darn cute... Hello, Desperate Housewives! haha)
Today, the guy who called sounded so icky and creepy on the phone... I contacted Wayne and work and asked him to come home while the guy is here. I'm fairly proud of being able to handle all the stuff myself and didn't wuss out at all last year while he was gone, but I just decided I didn't want to do it today. I don't want to feel uncomfortable and weird if the guy is as creepy as he sounds. I girled up. I wussed out. I called in the hubby to deal with the grossness. And I'm not ashamed. LOL

Falling down Friday

No, I'm not planning to get so drunk that I fall down. Well, not today anyway. And really, falling down is something I do stone-cold sober. I seem to have more grace and agility after a few vodka-7's than any other time.
I promised a couple of FB friends I'd share my embarrassing post office story with them. And since it involves falling down, thinking about it inspired me to blog about it.
I have a long standing history of being the clumsiest member of the family... in fact, I believe I'm the clumsiest person I know. My hand-eye coordination is non-existant. As a kid, my dad loved to joke, "We should have named you Grace." Hardy har har. (What can I say? Dad's sense of humor is definitely old-school.) I hated sports. Track and field day was dreaded. I was slow, uncoordinated and not at all competitive. Growing up in a very sports-minded family was uncomfortable, to say the least. Seriously. They all loved football, basketball, baseball... I tried. I played soccer for a while - until I got put in as goalie and got sick of being hit with the ball. For some reason, everytime a ball was involved in play, I'd get hit right in the damned nose and end up bleeding all over the place. I mean everytime - dodge ball, volleyball, soccer. You name it. My parents couldn't understand why I'd rather be inside, reading a book. Ha!
Anywho... The point is I fall down. A lot. Not as much these days. I don't know if it was being pregnant, doing yoga, or working out but something has made me more aware of my center of gravity and I seem to stay upright a lot more. But when I fall, I really fall...
Last year, Wayne was in Iraq. Occasionally, he'd request certain goodies or necessities so I'd box them up and ship them overseas. Of course, to do so, I had to make a trip to the post office. On this particular day, I had several boxes. I think I was returning some online orders, shipping a huge box to Wayne and one other box somewhere. Once I got them all balanced at the car, I carted them into the post office and stacked them neatly by my feet in line. Thinking I was so smart, I set my purse on top and simply slid the boxes along as the line crept forward. Finally, so stoked that it was my turn, I began shoving/sliding my boxes across the floor. Of course, the open window was the furthest, but no problem, right? I had my little slide-y system. Until the bottom box caught in the grout of the tile floor, stopping all forward progression. Well, all the boxes' forward progression. Because I, the klutz of the world, kept moving forward. In an awkward, oh-so-graceful attempt to stop myself from falling face first on top of the boxes... well, I'm actually not sure how it happened, but I know I ended up with one box corner firmly dug into my inner calf, my flip-flopped feet spread as far as they could, in an almost splits maneuver while my purse upended and spilled all its contents across the entire post office. The people? Workers and customers alike? Simply stared. As I'm sure any of you would have. The only difference is that you all would have burst out laughing at me while they kept silent.
I had a black softball sized bruise on my leg for weeks... and the lovely limp that went along with it. And the post office? I seriously hate going in there. I think I have some sort of postal PTSD. So don't ask me to ship you anything large. Because I won't.

It's a double post kind of day.

So... no one in my house is sick, as of this moment. And we are doing absolutely nothing today. Kind of recharging our batteries since we've been extra, extra busy for the past couple months. Which means tomorrow morning, I should wake up refreshed and ready to go...

back to the gym!! Bright and early, I'll be on that Summit Fitness treadmill. Re-energizing myself, my goals, and my determination. Since Jack and I have a playdate (for which I volunteered to do snack) at 10, that means I'll be at the gym at 8... if anyone wants to join me.

I am done finding excuses. I am done feeling exhausted and disappointed. Working out gives me energy and keeps my muscles loose so my tension headaches go away. It helps me to feel proud and strong - so strong! - and happy. Plus, it's the only way to fit into the jeans I love so much.

So, that's it. It's not a long post but it's a good one. For me, anyway, it felt good.

Girls' Night In

Whew!! It's the morning after party number one... the Girls' Night In. I only wish I'd taken pictures!!! I think this was my most successful party yet - the house looked AMAZING, the food was all set up prettily, and I just felt as if everything went according to plan. (Almost everything.)
As the party was a Passion Party, I wanted a romance theme. Red and pink. Candles. Chocolate. Pretty food, with maybe a wink at the subject matter... I had red roses on the food table and the presentation table. Gorgeous red roses I got for $8.88 per dozen at the grocery store. The store I tend to avoid because it teems with frustrating, frustrated, slow moving, obliviously annoying people - but they always have gorgeous flowers for cheap, so... I braved it.
I honestly didn't have time to hunt down my candle holders but I think that was for the best because once the party got started, there were things flying around and I'm certain a fire would have started.
Since I had a much bigger turnout than I ever expected - 15 women!! - Wayne helped me move our family room couch into the living room. I have to say, we've chosen our furniture very well. The deep, dark chocolate leather couch slides seamlessly into our living room set-up; sitting in front of the TV, facing the rest of the room, it's the perfect solution when we have a ton of people over and want everyone together. Of course, it wouldn't work for watching football or movies but for game night or a tutorial on the mild to wild side of passion? Perfection! (I'm thinking game night sounds good... sometime in February. When things settle down!)
I made (yes, MADE) chocolate cupcakes with a shiny, gooey, gorgeous chocolate ganache frosting, which I placed on my friend Linnea's cupcake holder. (I covet her cupcake holder but my birthday is coming up so if anyone's looking for a gift idea... ahem. hint hint) I attempted to make two layer fudge to be cut into heart shapes - pink chocolate on top, dark chocolate on bottom. But, it was a complete fail so I moved on (ha! I feel so emotionally evolved because I didn't obsess about the fudge and make attempt after attempt, wasting time and energy and money) and bought some dessert tarts from the frozen foods section. I made a chocolate cheese ball (cream cheese, sugars, vanilla and crushed Oreos. Mmmm.) which I served with chocolate graham crackers. Pigs in a blanket (mini sausages anyone?), raspberry chipotle cream cheese dip, and hot wings dip were all hits, too. Placed on my pink-y red plastic serving dishes leftover from our 4th of July BYOBBQ and my "you'll have to physically restrain me to prevent me from buying this giant white plate for under $5 at Target" favorite serving dish, everything looked great!! And I barely stressed at all. Even when the fudge failed and I ran out of time and didn't get to make the mini-quiche.
The pink lemonade with strawberries and lemon slices, soooo pretty in my friend Steph's clear glass beverage jar was virgin... for once. But, not to fear, there was chilled gin in a cobalt blue martini pitcher nearby! I'm thinking the gin lemonade I've been making all year is gaining a reputation. A friend brought along three other ladies, and they all knew about my favorite drink. And really, it's sooo super easy to make ahead - it's yummy, refreshing, light and pretty. What's not to love?! (For those of you still hunting for birthday gifts, here's another hint - while I have my favorite recipe, I have nothing suitable for serving it! Steph brought her spigoted jar and I am eternally grateful. I love the look of them but, since I almost always add berries, lemon slices or other floating items to my punches, the spigot tends to get blocked. I think I want a clear glass, not too traditionally shaped pitcher. Something I can use for pretty pretty girls' night beverages but would also be comfy using for a BBQ or Jack's birthdays.)
Anywho... where was I? Oh, right. The party itself. My back was turned so I have no idea who, but thankfully, someone dug right into the food so there wasn't too much of that awkward, everyone wants to start eating but no one wants to be first huddle around the food table. Thanks, mystery brave and/or very hungry person! Shortly after that, the fabulous Marissa arrived with her bags and bags of goodies and we all sat down to be entertained and informed and tempted. One of my favorite parts of the presentation? My friends' reactions, exclamations, facial expressions and general attitudes. These ladies know how to have fun!!!
And on the subject of ladies, let me tell you: The best parties to have are girls' nights. Not just because we all get to dish about our husbands/boyfriends/girlfriends' latest idiocies; not just for the cutting loose and relatability; but because when you are all done and everyone's gone home, there is next to no mess. Seriously. Women will be sure to throw their empty plates in the trash, place their empty glasses next to the sink, clean up any little messes they make... we've all had parties and worked hard to get the house just right so we all understand the frustration of cleaning all day just to wake up to another mess to clean up the next day. I have seriously never had such a clean house at the end of a party! I don't know if I just had a lot of clean freaks here, but even my bathroom was still sparkling!! (Erin, was that you??!)
For Wayne and Jack, the best part is that it's over... and there are lots of chocolate cupcakes left for them.
For me - it was hearing how much fun everyone was having. And, of course, how much everyone loves my house. Shallow, maybe. But very true. I love my house and it makes me happy to have people take notice of the hard work we've done - painting, redecorating, picking out just the right furniture and accessories. I also liked that one of the moms from my group asked me to post my dip recipes on the board. Woo hoo!! Success!! :)
Next up... Thanksgiving!! And Erin will help me remember to take pictures of that, for sure!

Party party party... possible party!

I am always the hostess. I am always the hostess. I am always the hostess.

That's me. I love to plan parties. Love. Love the lists. Love the decorating. Love the menus. Love the cooking and the people and the drinks and the invitations and the everything... except the cleaning. Although, that's not usually too bad because I get that totally insane nervous energy (plus a Red Bull) and I - with a slightly scared but mostly annoyed husband in tow - storm through the house, snatching up every last misplaced item, attacking dust and dirt like it slapped my mama, and basically making my house look as much like Pier 1 as possible. (Thanks, Linnea!) And I am so totally head over heels in love with my house when we're done. If I could somehow manage to keep it looking like that all the time, then I'd have more energy/time for the individual party decor and maybe I could pull off something like Alyssa's French Classy theme. (There are 3 parts - you've got to at least see all the pics!) Of course, if I could keep my house looking like that all the time, then we'd miss out on all the fun of the pre-party meltdown in which I panic and yell at Wayne and end up crying because I'm so sorry for being such a freaking nut but ohmygod we're never gonna get it all done before the people come. And everytime, he says, "We're not having another party, ever, ever. Never." And a few months later, I start planning something else. Because (say it with me):

I am always the hostess.

So. In that vein... I'm in the midst of planning not one, but two parties. With one, possibly two in the not so distant future.

First, we've got the so much fun and not too difficult to plan/prep Girls' Night In on November 7th. It's a Passion Party - an independent consultant company that sells sensual products. Like Pampered Chef or Tupperware but with sex toys and edibles and the like. Since it's an at home party company, most of the prep work is done by the consultant - in this instance, the fabulous Marissa Page. (No, I haven't met her yet but she comes highly recommended and she posts the BEST things on her Facebook page.) She brings her bag of tricks (that could sound very bad) and we all learn new things from her about enhancing our romantic lives. All I really have to do is invite people and make a few snacks. Oh - and get rid of Wayne and Jack. Pretty simple really. I'm planning to get some roses and candles to decorate (romance, right?) and serve some simple snacks - both savory and sweet cheese balls, as well as some pigs in a blanket. For drinks, I'll most likely serve some sort of gin or vodka punch. With sweet tea, water and lemonade (?) on standby for those who prefer. If I can find the mold in town, I MIGHT make some chocolate penis lollipops. Funny and yummy!

The second party I'm planning is a joint effort and, while I am very much looking forward to a fun Girl's Night, this is the one I'm just ecstatic about. My very first big Thanksgiving dinner!! Erin and I have the same traditional feel for the holiday and, since we both are missing our families so far away, we're hosting the dinner together. It's super fun to plan this with her because we are SO MUCH ALIKE when it comes to this stuff! From the lists to the invitations to the menu (traditionally yummy), we've yet to find anything we disagree on!! Our husbands tried to help - by suggesting we move their ginormous table from their house to ours - but we shot them down. Much easier to rent the tables and chairs from a local company. Erin and I had our first planning session today - she came over and we designed the Evite, finished the guest list, and discussed the menu. Next week, we'll finalize our menu planning - including who will cook what - and start on decor. I'm envisioning something Martha Stewart-Sandra Lee for the tablescape. (I love that word!!)

Maybe a white tablecloth with a fall colored (green, brown, or orange) runner - stripes are always a go for me. Then candles, pumpkins, leaves, etc. Nothing over the top or too big - I like people to be able to see each other while they eat. Oohhh!! Was just browsing Google's collection of Thanksgiving tablescapes and came up with a fabulous idea!! I'm not going to say (don't want anyone to steal it) but it involves mini white pumpkins, candles, and felt. I'll definitely post pictures after the event so you can be jealous!!

Party number three is my 33rd birthday! I know, I probably shouldn't plan my own birthday party but how can it be everything I want if I'm not in charge? LOL. Not sure what's going to happen with it yet - might drag everyone to a club for dancing all night long to prove I'm not yet old and boring... or we could end up having a party here. Maybe dinner, then dancing?? We'll have to wait and see!! All I know is, my friends are required to be there, my sisters are wished to be there, and it's gonna be all about ME!!

Possible party number four is a Pampered Chef dealio. Not sure yet if we have the time for it, as we'll want it before Christmas but we're already pretty booked up for November and we're going out of town the first week of December. With my birthday in December, too... Idk. Might not happen!

First a bitch and now an asshole...

I think Wayne is rubbing off on me. I never used to just blurt things out without thinking about my audience or who I might offend. Even if they were funny as hell...

So, last night, I went to a "Southern Living at Home" party... you know, where you're presented with items and catalogs and encouraged to buy things. Unfortunately, these things were out of my league price-wise, and to be completely honest, not really my style. Although, I did see a gorgeous shower curtain - but at $80, I just can't justify buying it. Well, this party was the consultant's first - she was both saleslady and hostess. She's a new member of my mommy group and I wanted to be supportive. Erin and I went to maybe meet some new people, look at pretty things, and have a good time.

At first, it was a bit stilted and awkward. We didn't know them, they didn't know us, we didn't have much to say. Then, things got rolling and we were doing really well... until I became the blathering idiot who doesn't think before she speaks. Somehow, the conversation had become about the Duggars and their religion (Mormon was what everyone thought, but I looked and they're actually Independent Baptists) and location (Arkansas, Erin's former homestate).

Hostess: Oh, there aren't many Mormons in Arkansas, are there?
Erin: Hm. Well, I don't really know. I don't guess so.
Hostess: But there ARE a lot of Baptists!
Asshole (formerly known as ME): Hahaha! Oh yeah. Erin's a recovering Baptist! Hahahaha!
....
(Insert cricket noises and awkward looks between Hostess and Hostess's friend.)
....
Hostess: I'm a Baptist.
Erin: Oh, well I LOVE being a Baptist, we just haven't found any Baptist churches here that we really like. We've been to several churches, and they've all been great. I think we really like...

The nervous babble about churches went on for several minutes while I simply shut down. Literally, in my head, I repeated, "I'm such an asshole. I can't believe I just did that. What kind of asshole comes to a person's house and makes fun of her religion when she doesn't even KNOW her? Asshole! Such an asshole! I am SO getting blacklisted from the Mommy group. Gah! Asshole!"

Thankfully, Hostess is a very nice person... and Erin's constant stream of babble covered what would have been a pretty horrible silence. She just kept talking until Hostess joined in and things went back to normal. I literally almost bought a $26 (plus tax & shipping) gravy boat in a fit of guilt.

When we left, Erin and I got into my car and BURST out laughing. It was that uncontrollable, it's probably not that funny to anyone else but we just can't stop laughing about it kind of laughter. (In fact, our husbands didn't see how it was funny or offensive when we relayed the story to them.)

Ahhh. Good times, good times.

Bitch Without a Cause

I was being such a rotten bitch the other night. I don't know if it was hormones or stress or exhaustion or what but I couldn't seem to find a single fucking thing to smile about. I know Wayne thought he was taking the brunt of it but what he didn't realize is that I was holding back about 70% of the bitchiness going through my mind. Seriously. I felt like screaming... my chest had this tight little ball of frustration and I felt like the only way to loosen it was to scream at someone. Luckily, I am rational enough to realize this would not be an acceptable outlet for my inner frustrations. Not only would I alienate the best thing to ever happen to me - the man who loves me enough to put up with my random bitchiness - but I'd also scare the shit out of my 3 year old. Neither of them deserve that.

What I can't seem to express to Wayne is how this feeling just comes on me when I'm stressed about something and it's best to just let me be for a little while. That I need time to either GOI or figure out what's bothering me so I can resolve it. He wants to joke me out of it or fix it or something and that just makes. me. want. to. hit. him. Or something. But it's not his fault. He didn't do anything differently than he does any other day.

Even going on a walk didn't help. At all. Got my blood pumping... burned 459 calories in 32 minutes. And I was still cranky as hell. Luckily, I woke up the next day and the demon who'd possessed me had left for less rational pastures... she was probably looking for someone without the willpower to resist her sly little voice urging her newest victim to just go ahead and hurt the people she loves. Now if I could just get rid of the other bitch residing in my body... the one who loves to eat Jack in the Box at midnight.